The Obligatory Blog: The Other Room

We have a spare bedroom in our house that goes by many names. I like to call it the Room of Requirement because it seems to be the place that all of the miscellaneous objects in our home reside. Megan, a friend, refers to the room as “the tower” as it is often the place where my husband escapes to do work on his computer. Sometimes we call it the office, the other room and almost six years ago we began referring to it as the baby’s room. When we first started trying to conceive we brought home paint samples and stuck them to the wall and discussed where various pieces of yet to be purchased furniture should be placed. There wasn’t a huge rush (at least not yet) to renovate the upstairs so we started work on our living room. Just this past year we completed a two year renovation of our kitchen and now it is time to move upstairs.

Our plans are to renovate our second bathroom first, giving us somewhere decent to shower while our master bathroom is under construction. Then we’ll gussy up our master bedroom, and then…the other room. It feels as if all of our hopes, dreams, fears, disappointments and grief inhabit the room’s very walls.

I had talked to a girl who had struggled with infertility issues, who while laid off, turned her guest room into a baby’s room. She even bought a crib, changing table and all of the necessary baby items. It was kind of a field of dreams; if you build it the baby will come approach. I think that would cause me too much mental anguish plus if we end up adopting we are more likely to bring home a pair of toddlers or preschoolers so depending on the age and gender the color scheme and furniture could be completely different from what we would do for a newborn. Also a co-worker who has two internationally adopted children warned against setting up a room too early. They had finished their son’s room shortly after they were matched and it sat empty for months and months while they waited to go and get him. She said the empty room just waiting for their little boy made them feel sad. On the other hand it seems equally just as sad to complete the room as an office. That feels like giving up somehow.

You might be thinking “what’s the big deal it’s just a room you can always change the paint color and furniture anytime you want.” That is perfectly true but even the paint color seems to represent something much deeper and it is the constant acknowledgement that we need to put away the story we had written almost six years ago. The story where we brought home paint samples and thought that very soon the walls would be painted and a crib would be over hear and the rocker over there and how awesome would it be to have rain gutter book shelves! It was a story without procedures, needles, countless medications, and tearful phone calls; it is the original story that needs to be shredded sometimes several times a day so that we can focus on the new story that is being written. So we wait with hope, fear and a lot of faith to see what the ending of this new story will be and to see what will become of the other room.