Saturday, December 17, 2011

A Change of Heart

 I feel like the post unsuccessful IVF cycle often feels like cleaning up after a war.  I seem to be having a tougher time recovering each time.  You spend weeks pumping your body full of drugs and then in one day you stop abruptly.  It shocks your system a bit.  I’ve had terrible insomnia and horrible mood swings and feel slightly crazy at the moment.

My doctor has decided to place me on a three month break.  During that time they are going to give me a high dose of Lupron.  One shot per month that will put me in a chemically induced state of menopause.  It is the best cure aside from a full hysterectomy to treat severe endometriosis.  We are going to talk more about our options at a meeting on the 28th.  When he called me this week he suspected that the embryos that they implanted ended up fizzling out around day five since that was what happened to the embryo that they were watching to potentially freeze.  Before the third cycle he did suggest that if it didn’t work that we should consider using an egg donor for our last and final round since the quality of my eggs has been continuously in question.  At first I was very open to this suggestion and so was my husband.  We even had friends who stepped forward and offered to donate.  I knew I would be more comfortable using someone I knew.  After more consideration however I’ve had a change of heart.

I believe that the best tool that can be used in making major decisions is The Bible.  Because my name is Sarah I’ve always felt very connected to Sarah in the Bible.  I read through Genesis 16 and although the situation is a bit different I found the thought of egg donation to be similar as the situation between Abraham, Haggar and Sarah, just with better technology.  Sarah always seemed to be a mature, wise and dignified woman but I didn’t like who she was during that time in her life and things didn’t turn out well when it appeared that she allowed her desperation for a child to cloud her wisdom.  I just feel that using an egg donor is possibly forcing something to happen that may not be meant to happen.

Going back to the Bible as a reference for decision making, James 1:27 states

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

There are a lot of verses in The Bible that refer to caring for orphans or the fatherless which leads me to believe that if we have the resources to do so (and we do) adoption would be the more Godly decision over egg donation.  Since we have one more round of IVF left we may just take a shot and try the last round using my faulty eggs just to see what will happen.  If it doesn’t work it will at least confirm that one door has been closed and I look forward to seeing what the new open door will bring.

1 comment:

  1. It’s amazing how you can sit next to someone at a coffee shop, and then later that night read their very personal story.

    I’ve had friends go down the same path/struggle/decision between continued IVF or adoption. Hard… and brave of you to write about it.