I feel like the post
unsuccessful IVF cycle often feels like cleaning up after a war. I seem to be having a tougher time recovering
each time. You spend weeks pumping your
body full of drugs and then in one day you stop abruptly. It shocks your system a bit. I’ve had terrible insomnia and horrible mood
swings and feel slightly crazy at the moment.
My doctor has decided to place me on a three month
break. During that time they are going
to give me a high dose of Lupron. One
shot per month that will put me in a chemically induced state of
menopause. It is the best cure aside
from a full hysterectomy to treat severe endometriosis. We are going to talk more about our options
at a meeting on the 28th.
When he called me this week he suspected that the embryos that they
implanted ended up fizzling out around day five since that was what happened to
the embryo that they were watching to potentially freeze. Before the third cycle he did suggest that if
it didn’t work that we should consider using an egg donor for our last and
final round since the quality of my eggs has been continuously in
question. At first I was very open to
this suggestion and so was my husband.
We even had friends who stepped forward and offered to donate. I knew I would be more comfortable using
someone I knew. After more consideration
however I’ve had a change of heart.
I believe that the best tool that can be used in making
major decisions is The Bible. Because my
name is Sarah I’ve always felt very connected to Sarah in the Bible. I read through Genesis 16 and although the
situation is a bit different I found the thought of egg donation to be similar
as the situation between Abraham, Haggar and Sarah, just with better
technology. Sarah always seemed to be a
mature, wise and dignified woman but I didn’t like who she was during that time
in her life and things didn’t turn out well when it appeared that she allowed
her desperation for a child to cloud her wisdom. I just feel that using an egg donor is
possibly forcing something to happen that may not be meant to happen.
Going back to the Bible as a reference for decision making,
James 1:27 states
“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless
is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself
from being polluted by the world.”
There are a lot of verses in The Bible that refer to caring
for orphans or the fatherless which leads me to believe that if we have the
resources to do so (and we do) adoption would be the more Godly decision over
egg donation. Since we have one more round
of IVF left we may just take a shot and try the last round using my faulty eggs
just to see what will happen. If it
doesn’t work it will at least confirm that one door has been closed and I look
forward to seeing what the new open door will bring.
It’s amazing how you can sit next to someone at a coffee shop, and then later that night read their very personal story.
ReplyDeleteI’ve had friends go down the same path/struggle/decision between continued IVF or adoption. Hard… and brave of you to write about it.